How do I deal with grief and not let it stop me from doing school?

Psychologist and guest author Shauna Rosiechuk discusses the personal nature of loss and navigating grief.

Shauna Rosiechuk - 4 December 2025

A young woman sits alone in a darkened room, her head held in her hands.

Psychologist and guest author Shauna Rosiechuk answers a student's question and shares advice on navigating grief. Photo credit: Adobe Stock

Dear Maddi, 

I am currently struggling with a huge loss in my life. In the past three years I have lost several people close to me, but I can’t seem to move on from this one. How do I deal with grief and not let it stop me from doing school and being productive? All I want to do is look at pictures of him and cry.

Signed,

From a Grieving & Heartbroken Girl

Dear Grieving & Heartbroken Girl:

I’m so sorry for your loss. Every loss affects us differently, and some weigh more heavily than others. It sounds like this one has been particularly profound for you.

Understanding grief can help, especially because it’s often misunderstood. People often think there’s a way they “should” grieve because of myths, societal pressures, and limited knowledge. These misconceptions can even affect how a person moves through their own grief (Sawyer, 2024).

Grief is a natural response to losing someone. Feeling the pain of loss is part of grieving, and it’s important to notice and accept whatever emotions come up. There’s no “right” way to feel. Your grief will be shaped by many factors: your personality, coping style, past experiences, cultural or spiritual background, support system, the circumstances of the death, other stresses in your life, and the significance of the loss. In short, your grief is personal. 

When you’ve gone through a series of losses in a short time, or have losses that stack up over the years, you might find yourself carrying cumulative or compounded grief. Managing several grief experiences at once can feel overwhelming. The overlap can make each loss harder to process, much like trying to untangle a ball of yarn.

Grief can be harder to manage if you have mental health concerns, limited support, or difficulty expressing emotions. It can also be more challenging if there are unresolved issues or regrets with the person you lost.

Realistically, coping with any loss can be difficult. It means learning to tolerate intense, and sometimes unexpected emotions that can take your breath away. It’s normal to be less productive than usual during this time. Rather than focusing on moving on, it might be helpful to think of learning to carry the loss while still living your life. Taking time to reflect on ways to care for yourself during this process of adapting to a new reality will be of great importance. 

Prioritize Your Well-Being: When you’re grieving, it’s easy to overlook your own needs.Taking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do in a time of loss. Focus on the essentials: drink water, get rest, eat nourishing foods and move your body. These basics provide structure and routine and can help you stay healthy. Beyond that, choose self-care activities that genuinely refuel you. For example art, journaling, music, prayer, sports or spending time in nature. Protect your energy. Simple routines and grounding practices like deep breathing can help you feel steadier and accomplished. Set modest, realistic goals.

Mourn each loss: Give yourself permission to feel the full range of your emotions, without judgment. Grieve each loss at your own pace and in your own way. Processing loss and finding a new reality takes time, sometimes a long time, and often takes longer than people think it will. By understanding your feelings and the context within which they occur, you may gain new perspectives which may lead to improved decision-making along the way.

Find sources of safe support: Connect with people you care about and talk about your loss. It can help to spend time with people who can understand and validate your loss. Some people find support from their religious or spiritual communities helpful. You might also explore support groups, individual counselling, or books and resources on grief. Different people may support you in different ways. You do not have to navigate your grief alone. Try to be patient with those who may not understand your feelings.

Take small academic steps: Grieving and trying to keep up with school can feel overwhelming. Acknowledge your limits and realize it might not be realistic to work at your usual capacity. It can help to have structured routines. Break down tasks related to school and prioritize the most important ones. 

Ask for help: Discuss your situation directly with your instructors as soon as possible if you are concerned about deadlines and see if there is any room for academic flexibility. If needed, consider exploring potentially relevant campus resources such as the Academic Success Centre, Interfaith Chaplains' Association or the Wellness Supports Social Work Team.

Be compassionate and patient with yourself: Be a compassionate friend to yourself. Remember that grief is a natural and necessary human experience. Realize that your productivity may look different than it did before the loss. Be patient with the process. 

Grief is not linear and it cannot be forced or hurried. Grief is messy and unpredictable and ebbs and flows in intensity and duration. There will be times when you feel better and other times when you do not. Grief episodes can also occur long after a loss and may be related to significant dates, life events, etc. These episodes tend to lessen in frequency and severity over time. You also have the right to feel joy and hope as you move through your grief, rediscover yourself, establish new routines, and find new meaning. These feelings can co-exist with sadness and do not diminish your loss. Grief is a gradual and adaptive process of learning to live with loss in your own time.

Sincerely,

Shauna

Written by Shauna Rosiechuk, guest author for Dear Maddi and Registered Psychologist at Counselling & Clinical Services. Edited by Suman Varghese Counselling & Clinical Services Satellite Psychologist for the Faculty of Arts and GPS.

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References:

Sawyer, J.S. (2024). Grief and bereavement beliefs and their associations with death anxiety and complicated grief in a U.S. college student sample. Death Studies, 49(5), 644-655.https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2024.2349933